Old journals...

Recently, while looking through some boxes for Christmas decorations, I came across the journal I kept when I was an exchange student in Chile my junior year of high school (August 20, 1991 to August 3, 1992). While in Chile, I lived with a very nice (but non-Christian) family. I was 15/16 years old while keeping this journal. It's so interesting to look back and see what kind of teenager I was, and how much I've matured and changed since then -- and how some things about me are still the same!

Here, for your enjoyment, are some random entries from that journal -- keep in mind that I was very homesick the first few weeks in Chile. It's funny to look back now and see the emotional ups and downs I went through in those first few weeks...but it sure wasn't funny at the time. I really thought I'd made a mistake in becoming an exchange student. Some of my entries are pretty melodramatic! :-)

August 25, 1991
I love and miss my real family so much. What have I ever done to deserve this? Please Lord, deliver me from my troubles, I can't bear them anymore. I never knew until now just how much I love my family, my friends, and relatives. Maybe that's one reason why this year could be good for me! I'll appreciate people more! All I know is I feel so sad. My soul aches and my body is weary and my mind is overwhelmed. I'm a mess right now.

August 27, 1991
GOD IS AWESOME! I feel His power here much more than I ever did in the States. I feel so assured! I still miss my family, friends, and life very very very very much, but at least I know I'm not alone!

August 28, 1991 -- morning
I miss my family so much! The only thing I want is to be with them! If I could have anything in the entire world, it would be to go home. I wish I'd never heard of Rotary Youth Exchange. I am so distressed! I want to cry ten million tears, each day I'm here. Then I could build a boat from all the boxes of Kleenex I used and float home on a sea of tears to my beloved family... I am so...discouraged, depressed, hopeless, sad, lonely, confused, tired, and scared, worried, apprehensive, sick, and angry at myself. I never want to hear another word of Spanish, see another Latin face or taste another Chilean dish again! I am blind with homesickness. My heart aches as though it would stop beating. I'm so sad I can't even cry. (Note from grown-up Sarah: I go on like this for a while, but I'll spare you the drama!)
August 28 -- evening
I must tell myself -- I'm going to have a good year! Don't worry! Everything is going to be great! The year's gonna go very fast and soon you'll be with your beloved family! The Lord is with you, and He loves you and wants the best for you! There is a purpose for everything, and the Lord has His own reasons why He allowed you to come here. You're never alone! You're never alone.

September 4, 1991
Oh no, I just got hit by a wave of homesickness. I want to go home so badly! I'm never going to last a whole year! But what am I saying? Of course I can last -- I have Jesus! It's so good to write my feelings down when they come -- it helps ease the pain a little because I'm not keeping it all inside; and it will be nice to be able to look back later and see how I was feeling.

September 9, 1991
I've been eating so much these past two days! I need to stop eating so much! I just eat when I'm bored, which is a lot. It's so easy when I'm bored to just want to munch, munch, munch! I love the food here! I need to start watching my intake of food though! (Note from grown-up Sarah: What happened to "I never want to taste another Chilean dish again"?)

September 12, 1991
I had a really good day today! I am really content here now! We got to come home from school early, which made me happy! I got a letter today, but it came a little late! It was intended to help me cheer up, and feel less homesick, but I already feel great! I'm so accustomed to life here -- I don't miss my family hardly at all! Wow, I wonder what happened? People's prayers? :-) Maybe, but all I know is I'm happy.

October 4, 1991
I know this year will go fast! It already is -- some of the things I did here the first couple weeks seems like ages ago! I can't believe how upset I was -- well actually I can believe it! It's a very difficult thing to do! But I'm also glad I'm over it now!... I need to keep praying because I feel like the devil's been trying to discourage me lately, and sometimes I can't stop bad thoughts from coming into my head no matter how hard I try! It's irritating! I need to be filled constantly with the Holy Spirit! I'm so glad I'm a Christian! I love You Lord!

October 6, 1991
I feel like there's been a kind-of spiritual battle going on around me the last few days -- Satan was trying hard to pull me away from God, and he was using all his best tricks. But I ended up triumphing over him, because I had Jesus by my side, and He is much, much more powerful than the Devil!

July 30, 1992
I seriously can't believe that I only have 3 1/2 days left in Chile. How could the year have gone by so fast? I'm a little nervous, I'll admit. I can feel it in my stomach! I'm also excited about seeing everyone again! AAAAH! :-)

So that's just a small sampling of my year in Chile, leaving out what I wrote about my daily activities and relationships, just focusing on my feelings. It's cool to me to see how much I loved and trusted the Lord even as a 15-year-old. He certainly had His hand on my life all along! Looking back, I can see that my year in Chile, adapting to a new culture and language, prepared me to one day meet my husband. When Andrew found out I had been an exchange student, it confirmed to him that I would be someone that could fit into the Russian culture he is so much a part of. It's also funny to me now to look back, knowing that just four years from the time I wrote all that, I would already be married! I never would have believed it at the time!

Life is so interesting...